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Sunday, September 27, 2015

2015 Is Ending, So Does My Heart

Assalamualaikum readers, followers.

Just ignore the title. Sorry for being so like OVER.
But yeah seriously. 2015 has taught me way more than you would know. Things that I personally learned as I progressed.

First, Degree life.
Well sorry for the MIA for so long. Life is so hectic till I wish I can bring instant noodles wherever I go (yeap, I am THAT busy). 
Assignments, projects, deadlines, events. EVERYTHING.
*kano*
Well, as for life, I like it the way it is.
My bestfriend got engaged during National Day and yeah I guess everything else is just like how it was before.

My heart?
Oh you mean the one that I had before?
I think Ive misplaced it somewhere. You see, I have been through hell and back in order to retrieve it, yet failed. As you can see through my posts on instagram, a lot has happened recently. I went to Uniten for a few times (a few? You judge) for a jog (or jogs more like). Yeah. Somehow, I realized that my actions were futile. I realized it now that somehow, as much as I want to retrieve my happiness, being around Uniten is only going to add up to my pain. Although I told everyone "Eh taklah, aku tak sedih pun aku tenang kat sana." but come on, like seriously? I'm not that patient, I'm not that strong.

One day I realized, "buat apa lagi aku pergi sana?" If that person can be happy without me, why can't I? Somehow, I think I have tried my best. Just tell me what is it that I didn't do? 
-I went to that person's house(s)
-I went to that person's campus, hostel.
-I checked everything that is related to that person's life (like a background check).
And the list goes on.......
You know, if you are reading this, you have created a brave Aiman, who is up for anything.
Proabably because I had enough of being broken.
So yeah, I have decided to come closer to nature and love the environment. I have no time to entertain anybody or to have any kinds of relationships.

I. AM. DONE.

Im moving on and Alhamdulillah, I am almost there. 

My target now is to be a better Muslim and to achieve my goals. 

Till then.
P.s:

Monday, January 12, 2015

Coins

Assalamualaikum followers.
Okay today I'm going to talk about coins.
Why?
Okay as you can see, coins have two sides, each having a different image of its own. 
Okay why the hell are you talking about this Aiman? Whats your point? 
Okay.
Its the same like some people.
They are like coins; two faced.
I admit it. I am a nobody.
I don't own a Bentley, BMW, Mercedes with fancy number plates.
I get that. Its just sad when you grew together with some people and realized that they are going after those things.
For instance, people who are being friends with somebody who owns fancy cars, living lavishly without having to worry about money. Going to posh restaurants. It just hurts when the "people" I mentioned earlier, is among my own close friends. Okay lets just name him as Harry (not after Harry Styles okay!)
We grew up together. And as time passes, 
Harry seemed to only look at posessions such as cars, houses, (mainly cars) and started to get all fancy. I introduced Harry to another friend of mine, which shall not be named (or lets just call him Brandon). Okay so I introduced Harry to Brandon and all of is went out for some period of time until Brandon had some issues with me.
And Harry, as somebody who knew me since we were in primary school, 
Went out with Brandon. Behind my back. After he knew what Brandon did to me.

Yes. Epic.

It happened several times and I just came to a conclusion where, 

"Ohh, best friend aku sendiri nak berkawan dengan aku pun macam tak ikhlas. Belakang aku keluar dengan orang yg sakitkan hati aku, yg buat aku jatuh."
 
So a week ago, on Saturday, I decided to take Harry and his friend for a dinner at Klang, and asked Harry to show me where Brandon's house is. When we get to the restaurant, it was closed. So I decided to straight away ask Harry to guide me to go to Brandon's house.
Harry's reaction was like:

"Kau nak buat apa pergi rumah dia? Kau nak buat apa tahu rumah dia kat mana? Kau jangan macam macam la Aiman."

Okay logically, as MY BESTFRIEND, of course I expected you to show me his house. And when we got to this one Taman, he said:

"Okay dalam baris ni ada rumah dia aku tak nak bagitahu mana satu rumah dia sebab aku tahu kau akan datang lagi ke sini."

What? 

Were you afraid that I might jeopardize your friendship with Brandon? 

Do you know how much pain Brandon put me through?

Do you know how much it hurts to see my best friend going out with somebody who had put me through so much pain?


And yet you were both having fun with each other?

Can you see the relation between coins, and my story? 

Yes. Brandon came from a very wealthy family, owns a Bentley, a few BMWs, Mercedes, and lots of other fancy cars with fancy numbers. I don't have all that. I don't drive fancy cars with fancy numbers. Sorry if you have to look at all that to be my friend, because I ain't got any of those (with a ratchet style). I'm living decently and I am thankful for everything that I have. Because why?
Quote:
"Some people are happy with less than what you have."
 So, I came to a conclusion that, time, changes people. 
As time passes, people change. 
Even if the person is your best friend, who grew up together with you.

"Eleh kau ni, takkan tu pun nak terasa kot? Kawan baik kau keluar dengan dia? Relax lah."

You just don't know how it feels. Brandon destroyed my happiness, and my best friend is mingling along with him. 
Yes. 
Get me now? They were out behind my back for several times. Yes.

To Harry, I am sorry if I ever put your friendship with Brandon down, or damaged your rapport with him. I am sorry. Don't worry, I will step back and let you both be friends from now on. You both came from similar backgrounds so you both can really fit in well. Again, I am sorry. 

I don't need a Bentley to be happy. 
Syukur Alhamdulillah I have everything I need. My family, a good health, good circle of friends. Syukur.
Till then.












Friday, January 2, 2015

See Through Me

Assalamualaikum followers!
First lets just wipe all these dust on my blog.
Alhamdulilah it is the New Year! I hope its not too late to wish a happy new year to all of you here. 
And hey guess what I am turning 21 this year, and becoming a Bachelor student. *achievement unlocked* 
Yesterday, I had my blood tested. The doctor took so many blood out of me that I shrunk like literally 0.0001% haha jk jk. After that I went to Masjid Negeri of Selangor to perform Jumu'ah prayer.

If you scroll down to my "definition of "broken"" post, the person mentioned there will be turning one year older on March. 

God. If only it lasted, its nearly a year! But yeah I still can't get over it well slowly but surely (as if I had a choice). 

Anyway, again I'm wishing all of you a happy new year! Have a great and prosperous year ahead of you. 

May Allah bless us all, Amin.
Till then.